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| It's been a long time hasn't it, Xanga, old friend.
I got an email saying I had a new comment. It was spam, but it got me thinking...I have a lot to talk about now don't I?
How much can I say though? Putting it down in writing privately may ease the sensation, but only by a minuscule amount. If I were to broadcast it to the world - that would surely take this heavy load off of my shoulders. But, society dictates that it either does not care or what I say can and will be used against me.
I have no choice but to keep what I feel in. No, not in what I consider an "emo" way, but feel free to interpret it as you like.
Brandishing my feelings to the public only makes me vulnerable to them. They, who judge us by our countenance, should be the last to know anything I have to say about myself. In this case, who should be among the first? Surely not my family; we all lead dual lives between friends and family. Then I must turn to my friends. However, these very friends have hardly (if ever) heard any confessions from me. How many of these friends will see things from my perspective? No, friends are not who will know first.
My final option is a complete stranger. Those who have no idea how I am with my family and friends - those are the ones I can show every vulnerable aspect of me.
I'm very confused right now. I'm not sure of anything I'm doing. School seems to be the last of my worries right now, though I'm sure everyone else claims they feel the same all the time. I'm very confused right now.
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| why do we have such cold weather now?
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| "The closest comparison might be the power of perfume. Perhaps even the master blender himself can't explain how a fragrance that has a special magnetism is created. Science certainly can't explain it. Still, the fact remains that a certain combination of fragrances can captivate the opposite sex like the scent of an animal in heat. One kind of fragrance might attract fifty out of a hundren people. And another scent will attract the other fifty. But there also are scents that only one or two people will find wildly exciting. And I have the ability, from far away, to sniff out those special scents. When I do, I want to go up to the girl who radiates this aura and say, Look, I picked it up. No one else gets it, but I do."
-Haruki Murakami
South of the Border, West of the Sun
I'm going Haruki crazy. Didn't eat lunch or dinner that day. Just read, read, finished, then slept.
And now I got another one of his books. Kafka on the Shore.
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| cant wait till next week =]
kick back and laugh at the sophies.
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| Ugh...i think im fucking myself over....
English Mast 11 H (semester)
Philosophy through Lit (semester)
Econ AP (if they'll take me)
Psych AP (I will fight tooth and nail for this class)
Col Physics AP B/C (unsure which to take)
AB Calc AP
Statistics AP
Japanese 5 AP
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